Losing Your Hair — To Shave or not to Shave, That was the Question

“Let’s have a party!”

“You want to have a party to shave your head?” my friend asked incredulously.

It was not a big party, but rather a small intimate gathering. We invited one other family to join us. They have three kids, who get along famously with our two. So there were 5 kids ages 9, 10, 12, 13, and 16 along with 3 adults and myself.

When I started chemotherapy, my hair thinned slightly and I only lost a little with each session. However, by the fourth or fifth session, it was falling out with great speed. I’d take a shower and dry my hair. Afterward, I would spend 15 minutes cleaning hair from the shower drain, as well as off of the floor, the counter, and any other surface in the bathroom. I could no longer postpone shaving my head. My hair had become so thin that I looked ill. It was time to say goodbye to the locks that remained.

A party sounded like a surefire way to prevent me from crying over the lost hair. As well, I hoped it would normalize my hair loss for the children.

I tasked the three youngest boys with designing the hair styles that would be created as they shaved my head. My 10 year-old son was ecstatic. What other kid gets to shave his mom's head into funny styles?! The 16 year-old girl was happy to take charge of the clippers and to create the hairdos the boys envisioned.

As it was nearing the end of summer, we hosted the event in the backyard to facilitate the cleanup. It was a little surreal at first, but everyone quickly became comfortable. The 16 year-old wielded the clippers and guided by the boys instructions shaved my hair into an undercut. And that is when the laughter began. I modelled my new hairdo as my friend snapped photos of me. The clipping continued and so did the unique hairstyles. Looking back at the pictures, it was clear most of the kids had a good time.

Not all children will want to participate in such an event. For those that might not, I recommend letting them know that this is a difficult situation for everyone involved. Encourage them to come to the event to show their support for the cancer patient, but let them know they do not have to participate in the hair cutting. I did this with my oldest son, and while he did not come out at the start, he did join us toward about halfway through. I later let him know that it meant so much that he had joined the event to support me.

If I were to do it again, I would cut my hair very short instead of shaving it. Once I buzzed it short, it immediately started growing back. This was surprising as I had been told I would lose all my hair for the duration of chemotherapy. I never did lose all my hair. I suspect, if I had gone for a short haircut from the start, I might not have lost so much of my hair at the beginning. The loss came from the length and the hair being tugged during brushing. If I had cut it short, and not needed to brush it, it would have likely remained.