“How do you know when you need help with your mental health?” was the question a girlfriend asked. She was struggling to maintain her sanity under the weight of an overload of emotions.
This is something faced by every cancer patient. And it’s also a problem faced by many people who aren’t dealing with cancer. The question is simple enough. How do you know when you need to seek help to preserve your mental health and well-being? And what does that help look like?
I can remember standing in the condiments aisle at the grocery store. In front of me was the ketchup. Shelves and shelves of different brands of ketchup. Bottles and bottles at different price points. I wrestled with the decision of which bottle to choose. I felt completely overwhelmed by the options. That’s when I knew I needed help. I was unable to make simple decisions. My thoughts and feelings were always at the forefront of everything I was doing and overwhelming me. That’s when I knew I needed help with my mental health. Only one question remained: What kind of help would be best?
At various points along the way, I reached out to therapists and social workers for support. In particular, one social worker had a plethora of information. She listened while I explained the feelings I was having or the current dilemma. She had a wealth of resources at her disposal and always had a suggestion for what I could try next or another professional or group I could contact. At one point she offered me a weekly phone call as a check-in and I took her up on it. In total we chatted three times, as that was all I needed to steer me back on track.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I didn't know too many people who had cancer and I certainly didn’t know anyone who had the same rare form of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma I had. So I went searching for others, others with Nodular Lymphocyte Predominant Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I came across a small Facebook group filled with members who had the same cancer. I was welcomed as an active member. I felt comfortable and could ask any questions I had. Later on in my journey, I found other groups devoted to patients with cancer relapse, stem cell transplants, or CAR-T cell recipients.
On social media and Instagram, there were many, many feeds devoted to cancer. I looked for people I could relate to or I found humorous, or people who had been through what I was going through.
Whenever I needed help, I scoured second-hand book sales and scooped up what I felt were the best of the many, many books written about cancer. There were many books about diet and maximizing your nutrition as you underwent treatment. There were books about how to navigate the medical system, both in terms of the standard treatments and complementary therapies. There were mémoires that explored the experiences people had throughout their journey with cancer. I chose a smattering of everything and learned from each book. I didn’t necessarily love each book. Some were excellent while others contained only tidbits of information I identified with, but all were useful and helped me to maintain my sanity.
By far, the thing that helped me the most with my mental health was medication. But which ones, how much, and when to take them are complex questions that vary by situation. In discussion with my medical team, we agreed on a two-pronged approach. A daily medication to keep the general anxiety at bay. In addition, I had a backup medication to be used sparingly but on the days when it was necessary. I chose to define “necessity” as a function of my quality of life. I deemed being a human puddle on the floor or someone who was unable to get out of bed as a poor quality of life and that’s when I gave myself permission to use the additional medication for a day or two. If more frequent usage was needed, then that warranted a call to my medical team to let them know things were not going according to plan so we could address how we could improve the quality of my life. The team and I also agreed that nothing is permanent and when I felt well enough, we talked about reducing the medical support that was in place.
Whether it was connecting with experts, learning from others who have been through it, or taking medication, maintaining my mental health has been key to me staying strong. Throughout this year-and-a-half journey, I’ve relied on all the above strategies and a variety of others. The strategy I chose changed based on the situation. However, having various strategies in place allowed me to maintain my mental health and stay strong. Staying strong was imperative to make it through treatment. Staying strong continues to be crucial even after treatment. This marathon is not over. I’m in the recovery phase now, with a long road still ahead of me.
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